What It Means to Be Gentle With Yourself (And Why It’s Not Weakness)
There’s something quiet and powerful about the phrase “be gentle with yourself.” It often floats to the surface when you’re raw, frayed, overwhelmed, or teetering on the edge of burnout. Maybe you’ve whispered it to a friend in a hard moment. Maybe someone once said it to you and you felt something soften. But when it comes to turning that same care inward—really offering yourself gentleness—it can feel foreign, even wrong.
We’re taught, directly or not, that pushing through is strength. That resilience looks like productivity. That self-improvement requires pressure, fixing, intensity. So to be gentle with yourself? It might feel like giving up. Like being lazy. Like weakness.
But here’s the truth that often gets missed: gentleness is a form of strength that doesn’t clench its jaw. It is quiet power. Steady compassion. And more often than not, it is exactly what’s needed to heal, move forward, and feel like yourself again.
Let’s talk about what it really means to be gentle with yourself—and why it’s not weakness at all.
Gentleness Is Not a Passive Act
It takes courage to stop the cycle of self-criticism. It takes discernment to notice your own emotional limits and respond kindly. It takes strength to say, “I’ve done enough today,” when the world is shouting for more.
Gentleness isn’t apathy or giving up. It’s not avoidance. It’s an intentional turning toward yourself with care. It's saying:
“I’m hurting. What would help?”
“I need rest, and I trust that’s allowed.”
“This is hard, and I’m doing the best I can.”
Being gentle with yourself doesn’t mean you never challenge yourself or stretch beyond your comfort zone. It means you stop punishing yourself when you fall short or need time to grow. It means you stop using force as your only tool.
Where Harshness Comes From
Harsh self-talk usually has deep roots. Maybe you learned early on that achievement was love. That perfection kept you safe. That rest made you weak. Those beliefs can run under the surface for years, even decades, shaping how you treat yourself in hard moments.
And maybe there’s part of you that believes self-judgment is what keeps you motivated. That if you let up for even a second, everything will fall apart. If that’s where you are, you’re not alone.
But here’s a gentle truth: you don’t have to earn your right to breathe a little easier. You don’t have to be in crisis to deserve softness. And motivation doesn’t have to come from fear.
In fact, when your nervous system is constantly in fight-or-flight, it’s harder to think clearly, connect, rest, or create. Your body can’t heal in survival mode. And your mind can’t find steady ground when it’s being whipped around by self-judgment.
What Gentleness Looks Like in Everyday Life
Being gentle with yourself isn’t one big act. It’s a series of small, steady choices:
Choosing rest without guilt. Even if the laundry isn’t done. Even if your inbox is full.
Noticing your self-talk. Would you speak that way to a friend? If not, pause. Try again.
Taking breaks before you're desperate for them. Catching your breath before you hit the wall.
Letting your emotions be valid. Not trying to fix or rush them away.
Allowing yourself to change your mind. To not have it all figured out. To be learning.
Sometimes, gentleness is stepping back. Sometimes it’s asking for help. Sometimes it’s doing the thing that’s hard but doing it with compassion rather than pressure.
This kind of living isn't weak. It’s wise. And it builds something inside you that pressure never could: trust.
Gentleness in the Face of Anxiety or Depression
If you’re in a season where your mind feels foggy, heavy, or on edge—if you're trying to navigate anxiety or depression—gentleness can feel impossible. But it is also one of the most effective tools for healing.
When anxiety is buzzing through your system, the last thing you need is to be told to “try harder.” You need to feel safe again—in your body, in your mind, in your own presence.
When depression dulls everything to a gray hum, forcing yourself to “snap out of it” only deepens the shame. What helps is meeting yourself where you are, without judgment. Offering even the smallest ounce of warmth.
If you don’t know where to start, try just asking this: “What would it look like to be 10% more gentle with myself today?” Not perfect. Not fixed. Just a little more space.
And if support would help, I’ve created some gentle, grounded resources that might meet you right where you are:
The free anxiety quiz or free depression quiz can help you get clarity on what you’re feeling and what might help.
The $14 30 Days to Calm and 30 Days to a Happier You programs offer short, supportive practices that don’t overwhelm.
The $39 Nervous System Reset Toolkit is full of tools to bring ease to your body when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stuck.
If you’re ready for a deeper, steadier path, the $79 course “Out of the Rush” offers a guided journey through anxiety—and “Out of the Fog” gently walks you through the haze of depression.
These are not quick fixes or pressure-packed plans. They’re calm, steady companions. Sometimes, that’s all you need to begin.
Strength, Redefined
We live in a world that often confuses burnout with success. That rewards speed, even when it costs our health. That pushes for productivity, even when what we truly need is stillness.
To be gentle with yourself in this world is an act of quiet rebellion. It’s choosing to build something sustainable instead of sprinting toward burnout. It’s choosing to nourish your mind, not just manage it. It’s choosing to treat yourself as someone worth caring for.
And when you do, you begin to see: it’s not weakness. It’s the foundation of real, lasting strength.
Take your time. Let gentleness be your way forward.
You don’t have to earn it. You just have to begin.
Take good care,
Julia
Micro-Mindfulness: 5 Ways to Reset in Less Than 60 Seconds
There’s a quiet kind of overwhelm that builds throughout the day—small stressors stacking on top of each other until your shoulders are tight, your breath is shallow, and you realize you haven’t truly paused in hours.
Most of us don’t have an hour to meditate in a sunlit room or escape to the mountains when life gets overwhelming. But we do have a minute. Maybe less.
That’s where micro-mindfulness comes in.
Micro-mindfulness is the practice of resetting your nervous system in small, doable ways. Not perfect. Not performative. Just honest, accessible moments of presence woven into the in-between spaces of your day.
No pressure to “fix” anything. Just a gentle return to yourself.
Here are five simple ways to reset in less than 60 seconds—right where you are.
1. Let Your Exhale Be Longer Than Your Inhale
Your breath is your anchor—and one of the fastest ways to signal to your nervous system that you’re safe.
Try this:
Inhale slowly for a count of 4.
Exhale even slower, for a count of 6.
Do that twice.
That’s it. You don’t need to sit a certain way or clear your mind. Just let your out-breath guide you gently back to center.
Why it works:
Longer exhales activate the parasympathetic nervous system—your “rest and digest” state. Even one slow, intentional exhale can begin to shift your body out of high alert.
You don’t have to feel calm to begin calming your system. The breath helps bridge the gap.
2. Name What You Notice—Without Fixing It
This practice is simple and disarming: observe what’s happening inside and around you, and name it without needing to change it.
Try this:
Say to yourself:
“Tension in my chest.”
“Buzzing in my thoughts.”
“Cool air on my skin.”
“Feet touching the floor.”
Let yourself witness your experience with gentleness and neutrality.
Why it works:
Mindful naming shifts you from being inside the overwhelm to observing it. That subtle move—witnessing rather than reacting—creates a little space inside.
Sometimes what you need most isn’t to feel better. It’s to feel met.
3. Soften One Part of Your Body
Stress tends to collect physically—often in the same places over and over.
Try this:
Bring your attention to one area of tension. Maybe your jaw, your shoulders, your hands.
On your next exhale, imagine softening that area just 5% more.
That’s it. Just a little bit.
Why it works:
Micro-shifts signal safety. You don’t have to force relaxation. Just give your body permission to let go a little. This is especially helpful when anxiety is held in the body more than the mind.
Soften doesn’t mean collapse. It just means loosening your grip on the invisible weight.
4. Look Away From the Screen and Anchor Into One Sense
Most of our modern tension happens in the mind—thinking, scrolling, planning. Micro-mindfulness invites you back into your body.
Try this:
Look away from your phone or computer. Anchor into one sense:
Sight: notice something beautiful or calming in your space.
Touch: place your hand on your heart, or feel your feet grounded.
Sound: listen for the most subtle sound in the room.
Let that sense pull you into presence for just a moment.
Why it works:
When we’re dysregulated, we often lose contact with the present moment. Sensory anchoring helps interrupt the spiral and reminds the body: I am here. I am safe.
The moment is never asking you to be perfect. Just present.
5. Ask: “What Would a Kind Response Be Right Now?”
Mindfulness isn’t just about noticing—it’s about relating to what you notice with kindness.
Try this:
When you catch yourself in self-criticism or overwhelm, gently ask:
“What would a kind response be right now?”
Maybe it’s a breath. A pause. A stretch. A reminder: “I’m doing the best I can.”
Why it works:
This simple question softens the inner dialogue and opens the door to self-compassion. It also puts you in touch with your own inner wisdom—what you need, not just what you “should” be doing.
The goal isn’t control. It’s care.
Gentle Doesn’t Mean Ineffective
It’s easy to underestimate the power of small moments—especially when your anxiety feels big or heavy. But the truth is, consistent, gentle care is often what makes the difference long-term.
That’s why I created 30 Days to Calm. It’s a $14 guide full of grounded, daily nervous system practices—each one designed to be doable, soft, and kind. No pressure. Just real tools for real life.
You can start at any time. You don’t have to be “ready.” You just have to be willing to take one small step toward yourself.
Whether it’s 60 seconds to breathe, or 30 days of gentle care—you get to decide what’s enough. And enough can be small.
Final Thought
You’re allowed to need these pauses. You’re allowed to step out of the spin and back into your body, even for a moment.
Micro-mindfulness isn’t about doing it perfectly. It’s about coming home to yourself in tiny, ordinary ways. A breath. A softening. A kind word.
That’s more than enough.
Take good care,
Julia
What No One Tells You About Managing Anxiety While Appearing “Put Together”
There’s a quiet kind of exhaustion that comes with managing anxiety while looking like you’ve got it all under control. If you know it, you know it. It’s the kind of inner overwhelm that doesn’t always show up on the outside—but it’s there, humming beneath the surface like static.
You show up to work. You reply to the texts. You smile when you need to. You get the things done.
And yet, your nervous system is quietly working overtime.
This experience is more common than it looks from the outside. In fact, many people who live with high-functioning anxiety are some of the most responsible, thoughtful, capable people around. They’re often praised for their competence, their organization, their calm. And because they’re so good at holding it together externally, the inner struggle often goes unseen—and untreated.
This post is for you if that sounds familiar. If you’ve ever felt like you're juggling invisible weights no one else can see. If you’ve ever finished the day wondering why you’re so tired when “nothing bad” happened. If you’ve ever wished you could exhale without having to earn it.
Let’s talk about what’s really going on, what no one tells you, and how you can begin to care for your inner world in a way that’s sustainable and honest.
Anxiety Doesn’t Always Look Like Panic
When people hear “anxiety,” they often imagine a full-blown panic attack or obvious signs of distress. But anxiety wears many faces.
It can look like:
Overthinking every interaction
A constant pressure to be productive
Irritability or emotional numbness
Perfectionism that’s praised on the surface, but paralyzing underneath
A packed schedule that feels safer than stillness
Trouble sleeping, even when you're bone tired
It’s not always chaos. Sometimes, it’s a carefully managed checklist. A planner full of color-coded tasks. A house that looks pristine but doesn’t feel peaceful.
For many, the anxiety lives in the doing—the constant drive to stay ahead, to anticipate needs, to never let anyone down. And when you’re praised for being reliable and self-sufficient, it can become even harder to admit that you’re struggling. That you’re tired. That you need support.
The High Cost of Holding It Together
Managing anxiety while appearing “fine” can come with invisible costs.
Your body pays for it. So does your mind. And over time, so does your sense of self.
The body can only stay in a heightened state of alert for so long before it starts to wear down. Maybe your digestion is off. Maybe your chest feels tight for no reason. Maybe your fuse is shorter than it used to be, or your emotions feel blunted.
You might not even recognize how much you're bracing—against being judged, against making a mistake, against slowing down. And here’s the hard truth: when your baseline is “coping,” rest can feel unfamiliar. Even unsafe.
The real kicker? You don’t have to be in crisis for your experience to be valid.
You don’t need a dramatic breakdown to deserve care.
What Helps Isn’t Always What’s Loud
There’s a quiet kind of healing that doesn’t announce itself. It doesn’t require you to overhaul your life overnight. It doesn’t need you to perform “progress.”
Sometimes, it’s enough to start with one small yes.
Yes to breathing deeper in the morning.
Yes to loosening your grip on perfection just a little.
Yes to a tool or a practice that brings your nervous system down from high alert—even if only for a few minutes.
This isn’t about fixing yourself. You’re not broken. You’re just wired for safety, like every other human being. But if your system is stuck in survival mode, you deserve tools that help you feel more here—more connected, more spacious, more okay.
One gentle place to start is the 30 Days to Calm guide. It’s $14, intentionally accessible, and designed to support people like you—the ones who look like they’re doing fine, but feel like they’re barely keeping up inside. It’s full of doable, daily practices that don’t require a lot of time, but do offer relief. You can show up to it exactly as you are—messy, uncertain, exhausted. There’s no pressure to be any different than you are right now.
(If you want to peek at it, it’s right here.)
You’re Allowed to Take Off the Mask—Even Just a Little
There’s a tenderness in realizing that you don’t have to hold everything alone.
You’re allowed to let the mask slip. You’re allowed to say “I’m tired” even when your calendar is full. You’re allowed to want more than just getting by.
And you don’t have to do it all at once. Sometimes the bravest thing is simply telling the truth—first to yourself, then maybe, slowly, to others. You don’t owe anyone your full story, but you do owe yourself gentleness.
If you’re afraid that slowing down will cause everything to fall apart, I want you to know: you are not the only one. Many people who live with high-functioning anxiety have spent years building a life that looks good on paper but doesn’t feel restful to live in.
Healing doesn’t mean quitting everything and running into the woods (though hey, if that’s your thing, go for it). Often, it just means building in small moments of pause. Softening the inner dialogue. Choosing yourself in quiet ways.
You Are More Than Your Coping
Even if you’ve built a life around managing anxiety well, that’s not all you are.
You are not just the organized one. Or the dependable one. Or the one who always keeps it together.
You’re someone with a heart that longs for peace. A body that wants to feel safe. A spirit that’s tired of bracing.
It’s okay to want relief. To want softness. To want space.
You are allowed to want more than survival. You’re allowed to want ease.
A Gentle Place to Land
If you’re feeling this, I want you to know: you are not alone, and you don’t have to keep proving your worth through performance.
You’re allowed to need help. You’re allowed to take breaks. You’re allowed to not have it all together.
And if you’re looking for support that meets you where you are—with warmth, not judgment—you’re invited to try something like 30 Days to Calm. It won’t fix everything, and it’s not supposed to. But it can offer small, steady anchors. Something to hold onto when the inside feels messy and the outside still demands a smile.
Wherever you are on your journey, I’m glad you’re here.
You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got. And that’s more than enough.
Take good care,
Julia
From Fog to Focus: What Helped Me Move Through Depression
There was a season in my life where I couldn’t feel anything. Not sadness, not joy. Just a flatness. Like someone had dialed the color out of everything. I was going through the motions, doing what needed to be done, but it all felt muted, disconnected, far away.
That’s how depression can feel. Not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle. Quiet. A slow unraveling that makes it hard to remember what used to bring you joy. A fog that makes everything—even the smallest decisions—feel heavy.
If you’re in that space now, I want you to know: you’re not alone. You’re not broken. And there is a path forward, even if you can’t see it clearly yet.
Here’s what helped me begin to move from fog to focus. Not all at once. Not perfectly. But slowly, gently, and in my own time.
I Stopped Waiting to Feel Motivated
One of the hardest parts about depression is that we keep waiting to feel better before we start doing the things that might help. But depression often numbs out that spark. So I had to learn to move without waiting for motivation.
Instead of big goals, I started with small, manageable things. Drinking a glass of water. Opening a window. Getting out of bed and sitting on the edge for a minute. These weren’t cures, but they were anchors. Small signs to my body and brain that I was still here.
And on days when that felt like too much, I practiced not making it mean anything. I wasn’t failing. I was surviving. And that mattered.
I Let Go of the Pressure to Be Positive
There’s a cultural pressure to “stay positive” or to find a silver lining. But in depression, that can feel hollow, even harmful. I didn’t need cheerleading. I needed permission to feel exactly what I was feeling without shame.
So I stopped trying to force positivity. I let myself name the hard stuff. I let myself cry. I let myself feel numb. And strangely, that’s when I started to feel again. Not better, necessarily. But real.
If you’re there too, I want to offer you this: it’s okay to not feel okay. There’s space for all of it. You don’t have to tidy up your feelings to be worthy of care.
I Learned How to Work With My Nervous System
Depression isn’t just in the mind. It lives in the body too. I started learning about the nervous system and how chronic stress, trauma, and exhaustion can pull us into states of shutdown. Not because we’re weak, but because our bodies are trying to protect us.
That changed everything. I wasn’t lazy. I wasn’t broken. I was in a biological state of overwhelm.
That’s where body-based tools helped. Breathing practices, gentle movement, orienting to the room. These weren’t instant fixes, but they helped me begin to feel safe enough to be present. Safe enough to want to be here again.
If this is something you want support with, the Nervous System Reset Toolkit might feel like a soft place to start. It offers simple, trauma-informed practices to help you regulate your system and reconnect to yourself—gently, at your own pace.
I Got Honest About What I Needed
Part of my healing came from learning to ask for what I needed—even when that felt uncomfortable. Sometimes that meant asking a friend to sit with me in silence. Other times, it meant giving myself permission to rest without guilt.
I used to think I had to "deserve" help. But I’ve learned that being human is reason enough. We all need support. We all need space. And you’re allowed to take up that space, even when you’re struggling.
I Took Healing in Pieces
Healing didn’t come in one big moment. It came in pieces. One breath, one tiny shift, one small act of care at a time. There were setbacks. There were days I couldn’t do much. But over time, the fog began to lift.
I didn’t wait to be a different person to start healing. I started exactly as I was—messy, tired, unsure. And somehow, that was enough.
If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure where to start, my course Out of the Fog: A Guided Path Through Depression might meet you where you are. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about walking with you. Helping you find your way back to yourself with softness, support, and steady tools.
What I Know Now
Depression is not a personal failure. It is not who you are. It is something you’re moving through.
And you don’t have to move through it alone.
Even if it feels slow. Even if it doesn’t look how you thought. Even if you're still in the fog.
You are doing the work. You are healing.
And there is life on the other side of this. I know because I’ve been there. And I’m still walking it, too.
Take good care,
Julia
You Don’t Have to Be Positive to Heal: Embracing the Messy Middle
There’s a quiet kind of pressure that floats around healing spaces: the idea that we have to stay positive in order to get better. That to be worthy of growth, we must carry ourselves with gratitude, optimism, and a perfectly curated morning routine. And while all those things can be supportive, they are not the requirements for healing.
Healing, more often than not, is gritty. It’s slow. It’s full of contradictions and backslides. There are mornings when you wake up with some hope and softness in your chest, and afternoons where you wonder if you’ve made any progress at all. That’s not failure. That’s the work.
The truth is, you don’t have to be positive to heal. You don’t have to be polished. You don’t have to pretend. You just have to stay in the process.
The Myth of Constant Progress
It makes sense why we cling to positivity. It's comforting. It helps us believe in change. And in a world that prizes productivity and clarity, the slow, tangled parts of healing can feel shameful or wrong. But healing doesn’t follow a straight line. It rarely announces itself with dramatic transformation. More often, it sneaks in through micro-shifts—a deeper breath, a slightly softer reaction, a tiny boundary held.
And sometimes, the deeper work looks like regression. Like getting more tired before you get stronger. Like grieving the things you didn’t realize you were carrying. Like sitting in the muck with no answers and choosing not to numb out.
That is healing, too.
You Are Allowed to Struggle
There is space in your healing for sadness, frustration, numbness, and even hopelessness. Those feelings are not detours—they’re part of the road. You don’t have to "snap out of it." You don’t have to force a silver lining. You don’t have to tidy up your pain to make it digestible for other people.
In fact, trying to force positivity can sometimes create more suffering. It adds another layer—the feeling that we are somehow failing at healing because we still feel bad. That we’re doing it wrong because we’re still scared or sad or disconnected.
What if, instead, we allowed those emotions to be part of the process?
What if healing included the full spectrum of our humanity?
The Messy Middle is Sacred
The middle part of healing—that foggy, uncertain, neither-here-nor-there space—is incredibly rich. It’s where real integration happens. It’s where we unlearn old survival strategies and practice new ones. It’s where we begin to show up differently, even when we don’t yet feel different.
It’s also where many people give up. Not because they’re weak, but because they think it’s supposed to feel better by now. Because they haven’t been told that the middle is where most of the real work happens.
That’s why it helps to have support. Not cheerleading, not toxic positivity, but grounded, compassionate support. Tools and voices that remind you: what you’re doing is enough. What you’re feeling makes sense. You haven’t missed your chance.
If you're in this place, the Nervous System Reset Toolkit might be a gentle companion. It’s not here to fix you, but to support you. To offer grounded, body-based tools for regulation, for steadiness. Not so you can "be positive" — but so you can feel a little safer in the middle.
Healing is a Relationship, Not a Destination
One of the most freeing shifts in healing is realizing it isn’t about arriving at some perfect state. It’s about building a relationship with yourself that is rooted in kindness, curiosity, and trust.
Some days, you’ll feel connected. Some days, you won’t. That’s okay.
The point is not to avoid the mess but to learn how to be with it without collapsing. To remember that healing isn’t something you perform. It’s something you live. One moment, one breath, one pause at a time.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are right in the middle of something that matters.
And even here, you are healing.
Take good care,
Julia
When “Doing Nothing” Is Actually Doing Something
There’s a kind of quiet shame that creeps in when we feel unproductive. You’ve probably felt it before—that slight inner tightening when you take a nap in the middle of the day, spend an hour staring out the window, or decide to lie on the couch instead of checking something off your list. It’s subtle, but it’s there. That whisper that says, “You should be doing something.”
But what if doing nothing is actually doing something—something deeply vital?
We live in a culture that praises action. Movement. Hustle. Visibility. Even rest has become something we feel we need to earn. We're often taught that stillness is a void to be filled, not a space to be honored. But the truth is: stillness is an active part of life. It’s not lazy. It’s not selfish. And it’s certainly not nothing.
In fact, it’s where so much quietly begins to heal.
Stillness Is Not Emptiness
We often associate “doing nothing” with disengagement or apathy. But that’s a misunderstanding. When you allow yourself to sit in stillness—not scrolling, not planning, not fixing—you’re engaging with a very different kind of presence. It’s the kind that invites you to simply be.
To be with your breath.
To be with your body.
To be with the sounds around you.
To be with what’s real in the moment.
This kind of stillness doesn’t demand anything from you. There is no outcome to achieve, no performance to give. It’s not glamorous or Instagrammable. But it’s deeply human. And profoundly healing.
Stillness allows us to hear what’s underneath the noise. And while that can feel uncomfortable at first—because it means we start noticing what we’ve been avoiding—it also gives us the chance to meet ourselves with more honesty, and eventually, more gentleness.
Nervous Systems Aren’t Built for Constant Output
One of the things that gets overlooked in conversations around productivity is the simple biological truth that our bodies and minds are not built for constant output. Our nervous systems are wired for rhythms: cycles of effort and rest, alertness and softness.
If we don’t listen to these natural rhythms, our bodies will speak louder. They’ll use tension. Exhaustion. Brain fog. Burnout.
These aren’t signs of weakness. They’re signs of overextension. And the antidote is not pushing through—it’s allowing space for downshifting.
When you choose to rest, when you step back, when you do “nothing,” you are actively supporting your nervous system’s ability to regulate. You’re saying:
“I trust that rest matters.”
“I don’t need to earn care. I’m allowed to receive it just because I’m human.”
And that kind of permission is incredibly powerful.
Rest as Resistance
There’s also something quietly radical about choosing rest in a world that equates your worth with your productivity.
To pause is to reclaim your humanity.
To lie down when you’re tired, even if the dishes aren’t done, is an act of resistance against the myth that your value lies in how much you can do.
To take a break—even if nothing’s on fire—is to affirm that being alive doesn’t always have to be hard to be real.
This isn’t about avoiding responsibility. It’s about broadening our definition of responsibility to include ourselves.
We are responsible not just for what we produce, but for how we care for the person inside the life we’re building.
The Subtle Work Happening Inside Stillness
When you’re sitting quietly, staring at the sky, it might not look like anything is happening. But inside, your body is softening. Your thoughts are unwinding. Your heart is catching its breath.
This is integration.
This is healing.
So much of emotional processing happens not during the moment of insight, but afterward—when the system has space to digest. That moment on the porch swing. That long bath. That hour where you doodle or nap or do something that doesn’t have a point. It’s not wasted. It’s allowing your inner world to catch up with itself.
So yes, “doing nothing” might look like a still body and a quiet day. But on the inside? There’s recalibration. There’s trust being rebuilt. There’s a relationship with yourself being deepened. That’s something.
Relearning the Value of Slowness
For many of us, slowing down can actually feel edgy. If you’ve grown up in a family system, culture, or work environment that valued being productive, efficient, or emotionally self-contained, then stillness can feel vulnerable.
It can stir up guilt, restlessness, or even fear. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It just means you’re moving against an old current—and that takes courage.
This is where self-compassion becomes essential.
Not the kind of fluffy self-compassion that’s just a slogan, but the real kind. The kind that recognizes:
It’s okay to need rest before you’re at your limit.
It’s okay to not always be “on.”
It’s okay to feel uncertain when you slow down.
You are not a machine. You are not an algorithm. You are a whole person. And people need softness. People need breath. People need space.
Some Ways to Practice “Doing Nothing”
If you're not used to stillness, here are a few gentle invitations that don’t require a big shift, but create space to feel the value of presence:
Sit with your tea or coffee without doing anything else. Just sip. Let your thoughts come and go. Notice the temperature, the taste, the quiet.
Lie on the floor and listen to music. No multitasking. Just breathe and let your body rest.
Stare out the window. Let your eyes drift. Watch light move. Let your mind meander.
Go for a slow, purposeless walk. No phone, no goal. Just footsteps and open air.
Let yourself be bored. Let your brain wander without entertainment. See what shows up.
These aren’t tasks. There’s nothing to check off. The point is not to get something out of these moments, but to honor them as valuable just as they are.
You’re Allowed to Be Unproductive and Still Be Valuable
This might be the heart of it:
You are allowed to be unproductive and still be deeply worthy.
Rest is not a reward. It’s a rhythm. It’s part of what makes you whole.
You don’t have to constantly justify your existence by what you do, fix, or achieve. There’s a quieter kind of wisdom that lives in the pause. A kind of knowing that reminds you:
You are still you, even when you’re still.
And that is enough.
Want Support as You Learn to Slow Down?
If the idea of “doing nothing” feels lovely and slightly uncomfortable—like you’re not sure how to begin—there’s no shame in needing support.
Two resources that might help:
🌀 Nervous System Reset Toolkit – A gentle, practical collection of tools to help your body and mind remember how to slow down. Simple, body-based practices to support rest and regulation.
🌿 30 Days to Calm – A low-key, daily invitation to come back to yourself—just a few minutes at a time.
No pressure. Just support, if and when you’re ready.
You don’t have to figure this out all at once. Even just naming what’s been quietly living inside you is a meaningful start.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Take good care,
Julia
5 Signs You Might Be Living With High-Functioning Anxiety (And Don’t Know It)
Anxiety doesn’t always look like panic attacks or needing to hide under the covers. For a lot of people, it looks like being composed on the outside—but constantly overthinking, over-preparing, or overperforming underneath.
It’s possible to live with anxiety for years and not recognize it as anxiety—especially when it shows up in high-functioning ways. You might even be praised for it. “You’re so organized.” “You always seem on top of everything.” “I don’t know how you do it all.”
And yet… something doesn’t feel quite right inside.
If you often feel tense, exhausted, or like you’re always running on a quiet urgency, it might not just be stress. It could be high-functioning anxiety. And naming it can be the first step toward softening what’s been silently weighing on you.
Here are five gentle signs you might be living with high-functioning anxiety—even if you didn’t know to call it that.
1. You Seem Calm, But Inside You’re Constantly Bracing
Outwardly, you appear collected. You go to work, answer texts, meet deadlines, manage your household, and maybe even take care of others. But inside, there’s often a hum of tension—like you’re waiting for something to go wrong.
You’re not falling apart, but you’re not resting either.
It’s like your body’s in a low-grade state of alert all the time, and you’ve gotten used to it. Maybe you don’t even notice it until you try to relax—and realize you can’t.
That subtle tightness in your chest, the clenching jaw, the inability to exhale fully? It might not be “just how you are.” It might be a sign your nervous system doesn’t feel safe coming out of high alert.
2. You Plan for Every Scenario (Even the Worst Ones)
You’re the one who double-checks the schedule, keeps backup chargers in your bag, thinks five steps ahead. You’re prepared for everything—because your brain doesn’t seem to know how to not prepare.
You might replay conversations after they’ve happened. You anticipate people’s reactions. You mentally rehearse your responses before asking a question or sending an email.
You might call it being “responsible” or “organized.” But underneath, there’s often a belief that if you don’t plan for everything, something will fall apart—and maybe, so will you.
This kind of mental hypervigilance can be exhausting. It creates a constant pressure to manage what hasn’t even happened yet. And that pressure often isn’t visible to anyone else.
3. You’re Always “Doing” but Rarely Feel Done
You’re productive. You stay busy. You keep things running smoothly. And still, there’s a quiet ache that no matter how much you accomplish, it never really feels finished.
You may feel a drive to prove yourself—but you’re not sure to whom.
There’s a sense that if you just do a little more—answer a few more emails, clean one more thing, fix one more issue—then you’ll finally feel like you can exhale. But that exhale keeps getting pushed further out of reach.
High-functioning anxiety often hides in over-functioning. It’s the mental load that never stops. It’s the idea that rest is only allowed once everything is done—and somehow, everything is never done.
4. You Struggle to Let Yourself Rest Without Guilt
Even when you’re exhausted, resting might feel… uncomfortable. Unproductive. Indulgent.
Maybe you lie down and your mind keeps racing. Or you take a break, but you feel that creeping guilt: Shouldn’t I be doing something? Am I falling behind? Other people have it harder—who am I to need rest?
This is one of the most painful parts of high-functioning anxiety: it convinces you that your value comes from output. That slowing down is a weakness, or a luxury. But rest isn’t a reward—it’s a rhythm. And if it feels hard to access, it’s not because you’re broken. It’s because your nervous system has been trying to protect you for a long time.
Sometimes, the hardest work is unlearning urgency.
5. You Appear Confident But Carry Deep Self-Doubt
On the surface, you get things done. You show up for others. You might even be someone people turn to for advice or strength. But inside, there's a lot of second-guessing.
You hold yourself to high standards. You often feel like you’re “not doing enough,” even when others reassure you that you are. You worry about being a burden. You rarely ask for help—even when you’re struggling.
This gap between how others see you and how you feel inside can be isolating. It can lead you to dismiss your own anxiety because you're “fine”—or because you're functioning.
But high-functioning doesn’t mean you're thriving. It means you’re coping. And it’s okay to want more than just coping.
What High-Functioning Anxiety Feels Like
If you see yourself in some of these signs, you’re not alone. High-functioning anxiety is common—especially among people who are sensitive, responsible, and thoughtful. And that makes sense. Those same traits that help you hold everything together are the ones that can also hold a lot of pressure.
But the goal isn’t to stop being thoughtful or organized or reliable. The goal is to stop carrying it all alone. To stop bracing through life and begin softening into it.
There’s nothing wrong with you if your anxiety hides in your strengths. That doesn’t make it less real. And it doesn’t mean you have to wait for a breakdown to begin caring for yourself.
A Gentle Place to Start
You don’t need to fix everything. You don’t need to earn rest. And you don’t have to keep managing this in silence.
If you’re not sure where to begin, here are two gentle first steps:
🧠 Take the Free Anxiety Quiz – A simple check-in to help you better understand your patterns and how anxiety may be showing up for you.
🌿 30 Days to Calm – A low-pressure, self-paced series of daily practices to support your nervous system and create a bit more inner quiet. Just a few minutes a day, no need to overthink it.
If even one part of this post made you exhale, that’s your nervous system saying: yes, this matters.
Final Thoughts
High-functioning anxiety doesn’t always ask for help loudly. Sometimes it shows up in the form of “I’ve got this,” even when you’re barely holding it together inside. Sometimes it looks like being the strong one. The reliable one. The one who never drops the ball.
But here’s what’s true:
You’re allowed to let some balls drop.
You’re allowed to rest before you’re at your breaking point.
You’re allowed to stop proving and start softening.
And just because you’ve learned to function under pressure doesn’t mean you have to live that way forever.
There’s a life beyond the bracing.
There’s a version of you that doesn’t run on urgency.
There’s space for peace—even if you’re still learning how to trust it.
And it starts with noticing, gently, that you don’t have to do this alone.
You don’t have to figure this out all at once. Even just naming what’s been quietly living inside you is a meaningful start.
I’m so glad you’re here.
Take good care,
Julia
Hey there, lovely reader! 🌸
Have you ever caught yourself being way too harsh on yourself? Maybe you forgot an important task, stumbled in a conversation, or didn’t quite meet your own high expectations. It happens to all of us! In these moments, what we need more than anything is a big dose of self-compassion. But what exactly is self-compassion, and how can we cultivate it? Let’s dive into this journey together with six key points and some practical tips to help you nurture a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself.
1. Understand What Self-Compassion Is
Self-compassion is all about treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d show a good friend. It’s not about self-pity or letting yourself off the hook too easily. Instead, it’s recognizing that you’re human and, like everyone else, you have your strengths and weaknesses.
Tip: Next time you’re feeling down on yourself, pause and ask, “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” Then, try saying those same words to yourself, even if you don’t believe them.
2. Embrace Your Imperfections
Perfectionism is a tough taskmaster. It convinces us that we need to be flawless to be worthy. But the truth is, our imperfections make us uniquely human and relatable. Embracing your imperfections means accepting that it’s okay to make mistakes and that you’re still deserving of love and respect.
Tip: Keep a journal where you write down your perceived flaws and then reframe them as unique qualities. For example, “I’m too sensitive” becomes “I have a deep capacity for empathy.”
3. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is about staying present in the moment without judgment. It helps us acknowledge our feelings and experiences without getting overwhelmed by them. When we’re mindful, we can observe our thoughts and emotions with curiosity rather than criticism.
Tip: Try a simple mindfulness exercise like focusing on your breath for a few minutes each day. Notice the sensations of breathing in and out, and if your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.
4. Be Your Own Best Friend
We often reserve our harshest judgments and criticisms for ourselves. Imagine if you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself—chances are, you’d have very few friends left! Being your own best friend means offering yourself the same kindness, patience, and understanding.
Tip: Write a letter to yourself as if you were writing to a dear friend who is struggling. Offer words of comfort, reassurance, and support. Read it whenever you need a reminder of your own compassion.
5. Cultivate Gratitude
Gratitude shifts our focus from what’s lacking to what we have. It’s a powerful antidote to self-criticism because it helps us appreciate our strengths and achievements, however small they might seem.
Tip: Start a gratitude journal. Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. They don’t have to be big things—sometimes the simplest joys are the most powerful. Tried this before and struggled to think of things and/or stay on task? Try my Gratitude Challenge!
6. Forgive Yourself
Holding onto past mistakes and regrets can weigh heavily on our self-esteem. Forgiveness is a key component of self-compassion. It’s not about condoning mistakes but acknowledging them, learning from them, and moving forward without self-recrimination.
Tip: When you catch yourself ruminating on a past mistake, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s part of the learning process. Practice saying, “I can forgive myself for [specific mistake]. I am learning and growing.”
Why Self-Compassion Matters
You might wonder, “Isn’t self-compassion just a way to let myself off easy?” Absolutely not! Self-compassion is a powerful tool for resilience and well-being. It helps us bounce back from setbacks, reduce anxiety and depression, and improve our overall mental health. Far from making you selfish or arrogant, self-compassion fills your cup so you can pour into others. When you treat yourself with kindness, you’re more likely to extend that kindness to those around you.
Final Thoughts
Self-compassion is a journey, not a destination. It takes practice and patience, but the rewards are immeasurable. By nurturing a kinder relationship with yourself, you’re laying the foundation for a happier, healthier, and more fulfilled life. So, go ahead—give yourself the warm hug you deserve!
Remember, you’re doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough. 💖
Warmly,
Julia
We’ve all felt guilty at some point in our lives, right? Whether it’s about missing a friend’s birthday or forgetting to run an important errand, guilt can be a natural reaction to our actions. But what happens when guilt becomes excessive, lingering far beyond its useful purpose? Let’s dive into understanding excessive guilt, identifying its signs, and exploring ways to mitigate it. We’ll also touch on its role in depressive disorders and share some practical coping skills. Ready? Let’s go!
1. Recognizing Excessive Guilt
Guilt, in its healthy form, helps us recognize when we’ve done something that goes against our values. It nudges us to make amends and learn from our mistakes. However, excessive guilt is like a heavy backpack that we can’t put down. Here are some signs it’s becoming too much:
Constant Self-Criticism: You find yourself repeatedly blaming yourself for past actions, even minor ones.
Perfectionism: You feel guilty for not meeting impossibly high standards.
Feeling Unworthy: Persistent guilt makes you feel like you don’t deserve happiness or success.
Physical Symptoms: Excessive guilt can manifest physically as headaches, fatigue, or stomach issues.
Rumination: You can’t stop replaying scenarios in your head, wishing you’d acted differently.
If these sound familiar, you might be dealing with excessive guilt. But don’t worry—there are ways to lighten that backpack!
2. Mitigating Excessive Guilt
Mitigating excessive guilt involves recognizing its irrational nature and taking steps to address it. Here’s how:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to feel the guilt without judgment. It’s okay to feel guilty, but it’s also important to understand why you’re feeling this way.
Reality Check: Ask yourself if your guilt is proportionate to the situation. Would you blame a friend as harshly as you’re blaming yourself?
Forgive Yourself: Understand that everyone makes mistakes. Self-forgiveness is crucial for moving forward.
3. Behavioral Coping Skills
Our bodies often react to guilt with tension and stress. Here are some behavioral strategies to calm your body:
Deep Breathing: Practice slow, deep breaths to activate your body’s relaxation response. Try inhaling for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for six.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense and then slowly release different muscle groups in your body. This helps reduce physical tension and promotes relaxation.
Physical Activity: Exercise, even a short walk, can help release endorphins and reduce stress hormones.
4. Neutral and Believable Self-Talk
Self-talk is powerful, and shifting it to be more neutral and supportive can make a big difference. Here’s how to start:
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When a guilty thought arises, ask yourself if it’s entirely true. Often, we exaggerate our faults.
Practice Self-Compassion: Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Instead of “I’m such a failure,” try “I’m learning and growing, just like everyone else.”
Affirmations: Use affirmations that feel believable to you. Instead of “I’m perfect,” try “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
5. The Role of Excessive Guilt in Depressive Disorders
Excessive guilt often plays a significant role in depressive disorders. It can:
Reinforce Negative Self-Perceptions: Guilt fuels negative beliefs about oneself, which can exacerbate depression.
Increase Isolation: Feeling guilty can make you withdraw from others, leading to loneliness and deeper depression.
Heighten Stress: Constant guilt keeps your body in a state of stress, which can worsen depressive symptoms.
If you’re experiencing excessive guilt alongside depression, it’s essential to seek professional help. Therapy can provide valuable tools and support for managing these feelings.
6. Practical Coping Strategies
Here are some practical strategies to help you manage excessive guilt:
Journaling: Write down your guilty thoughts and then challenge them. Seeing them on paper can help you gain perspective.
Mindfulness Meditation: Practice staying present and observing your thoughts without judgment. This can help you detach from guilt-driven ruminations.
Set Realistic Goals: Aim for progress, not perfection. Celebrate small wins and acknowledge your efforts.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Excessive guilt can feel overwhelming, but with the right strategies and support, you can find balance and peace. Be kind to yourself—you deserve it.
I hope this helps you on your path to understanding and managing excessive guilt. It’s a process, and every small step counts. Take care and remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.
Warmly,
Julia
Hey there! If you're reading this, chances are you're either going through peri-menopause or supporting someone who is. Peri-menopause, the transitional phase before menopause, can be a rollercoaster of emotions and physical changes. It's a time when your body and mind might feel like they're on a wild ride, and it can be challenging to keep your mental health stable. But don't worry; you're not alone, and there are plenty of ways to navigate this journey with grace and resilience. Let's dive into six key points that can help you thrive during peri-menopause.
1. Understand What's Happening
First things first, understanding what peri-menopause is and what changes to expect can be incredibly empowering. During peri-menopause, your body undergoes hormonal fluctuations that can affect everything from your mood to your sleep patterns. These changes are natural, but they can sometimes lead to anxiety, depression, or irritability. Educating yourself about these changes can help you feel more in control and less overwhelmed. Remember, knowledge is power!
2. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care isn't just a buzzword; it's a necessity, especially during peri-menopause. Make time for activities that bring you opportunities for joy and relaxation. Whether it's taking a long bath, reading a good book, or practicing yoga, carving out moments for yourself can significantly boost your mental health. It's okay to put yourself first and take a break from the daily grind. Your well-being matters, and taking care of yourself isn't selfish; it's essential.
3. Stay Active
Exercise is a fantastic way to boost your mood and manage stress. Regular physical activity releases endorphins, the "feel-good" hormones, which can help combat feelings of anxiety and depression. You don't have to run a marathon; even a daily walk in the park or a dance session in your living room can do wonders for your mental health. Find an activity you feels good for you and make it a regular part of your routine.
4. Build a Support Network
Having a strong support network can make all the difference during peri-menopause. Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups who understand what you're going through. Sharing your experiences and feelings with others can provide comfort and reduce feelings of isolation. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you need it. Therapists and counselors can offer valuable tools and strategies to manage your mental health effectively.
5. Pay Attention to Your Diet
What you eat can have a significant impact on how you feel. A balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins can help stabilize your mood and energy levels. Try to limit caffeine, alcohol, and sugar, which can exacerbate mood swings and anxiety. Staying hydrated is equally important. Eating well is not about perfection; it's about making choices that support your overall well-being.
6. Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques
Mindfulness and relaxation techniques can be powerful tools for managing stress and anxiety. Practices like meditation, deep breathing exercises, and progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your mind and body. These techniques can also improve your sleep quality, which is often disrupted during peri-menopause. Start with just a few minutes a day and gradually increase the time as you become more comfortable with these practices.
Wrapping It Up
Peri-menopause is a unique and sometimes challenging phase of life, but with the right strategies, you can navigate it successfully and maintain your mental health. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and take time for yourself. You deserve to feel good and live a fulfilling life, even amidst the changes. Be kind to yourself, stay informed, and lean on your support network. You've got this!
If you found these tips helpful, feel free to share them with others who might benefit. And always remember, you're not alone on this journey. We're all in this together, and there's a whole community here to support you.
Let me know if there are any other topics you’d like to explore or if you have any questions!
Warmly,
Julia